"A few years ago in my last course at BYU we were asked where we want to be in five years. My answer was "A professional mom". I didn't just say a stay-at-home mom because I want more than that. Any professional in the business world gets ready everyday, has goals, meets deadlines and craves to learn what they can do to better the company and just because my office is our apartment it doesn't mean I don't do each and everyone of those elements a business professional would do." -Erica Messerly remesserly.blogpot.com
Her thoughts on motherhood mirror mine, and I had been wanting to write about this topic for a while now as well. I love how she uses the phrase "professional mom." I have been struggling with what to call myself over the past few months. There is nothing wrong with "stay-at-home mom" or "homemaker" but for some reason they seem to me to have become "less than" labels (which is a problem in and of itself, I know)...but I like "professional mother" a lot. I kind of wrote about this idea in "My Goal" post, but Erica put my thoughts into words a lot better than I did!
Then, there was a talk given during L.D.S. General Conference last Saturday afternoon that also contributed to these thoughts of mine. "The Moral Force of Women" by Elder D. Todd Christofferson is the talk to which I am referring. You can click on the link if you want to read or listen to the entire talk. It's good.
The part that really stood out to me was this:
". . .Some view homemaking with outright contempt, arguing it demeans women and that the relentless demands of raising children are a form of exploitation. They ridicule what they call “the mommy track” as a career. This is not fair or right. We do not diminish the value of what women or men achieve in any worthy endeavor or career—we all benefit from those achievements—but we still recognize there is not a higher good than motherhood and fatherhood in marriage. There is no superior career, and no amount of money, authority, or public acclaim can exceed the ultimate rewards of family. Whatever else a woman may accomplish, her moral influence is no more optimally employed than here."
Then, today on Facebook I've seen a few links to this blog post by Matt Walsh: "You're a stay-at-home mom? What do you DO all day?"
These three sources have been swimming in my head. I don't totally agree with everything Matt Walsh writes in his post. I think he was a little too harsh. Being a mom with another career and being a stay-at-home mom are just so different, and each person's circumstances are so different. I don't like all the judging that goes on with these things.
I felt guilty that I chose to go back to work for two and a half months to finish out the school year last year so that I could continue to be paid through the summer, but my husband and I felt like doing this and then quitting my job was the best thing I could do for our family. It was hard to leave my baby, but it was also nice to have time away and do something on my own too. I felt guilty being away from my child, but I also felt guilty that they would have to find someone to replace me and train again the next year. I cried on my last day of work, and I felt sad that I would just be replaced and probably forgotten and most likely not talk to most of the people I had worked with ever again.
It was hard to adjust back to being home with a baby all day. It felt like I wasn't getting anything done, but I was constantly on the watch and doing something...although that "something" is hard to define with a baby. It was nice to be home all day and be able to catch up on the missed sleep during the day if needed. It was nice to be able to get to know my neighbors better. It's so nice to feel my purpose shift as I anchor myself in our home and send out help to my husband, child, and others from this center. It has simplified my purpose and my objectives and my life, but it's not easy, but it's awesome, but I do wish I had more time to myself, but I feel guilty for wishing that, but I take the time anyway sometimes and read a book (or write this post!) instead of cleaning the house or making dinner...and then I feel guilty...haha. Let's not even mention what happens when I start to compare myself with others moms!
I've been asked many times if/when I am going to go back to work. Most people are really good about not judging, but you can usually tell their opinion on the subject by the way they ask. That's fine, for the most part. Of course everyone has their own opinion, but I hate that I change the way I answer based on how they ask. I hate that I have kind of apologized for staying home. I hate that I have said "I'm staying home for now, but who knows in a few years?" when I really do know that I never want to go back to work---I want to be a professional mom! I have had a few people hint that I should go back to a career if I want to be found important in their eyes. And I have had others (including my wonderful former principal/boss) say "good for you for doing what you know is best for your family." I wish the decision and the guilt and the expectations and the judgement wasn't so bad for moms.
Moms, know that you do a lot. Know that what you do IS hard, but worth it and incredible and divine and needed...so very needed! Moms, you know what's best for you and your family. Others will judge, some with valid and honest advice and others (most) without much thought and little caring. Moms, try not to take offense. You know who to listen to and who to take advice from. You know you're doing your best.
Keep at it. I am one of you. And I admire you.
