Our Love Story---Halloween Dance Party

As I said in my last post, on October 25, 2009, I got my first "love note" from Danny.

On October 28th I decided that I would love to go on a date with Danny (or two other guys...I told you it was kind of a slow process, ok? At least he was the first one I mentioned!)

On October 30th I actually ran into Danny on the way to class. He was coming home. I started really trying to look my best around this time. In the back of my mind I was always hoping to run into Danny on the way to class. I even started walking a different way to try to bump into him. (It turns out I was walking the completely wrong way to run into him, but this day I was lucky). This day he noticed that I looked good, and he said he liked my headband. It made me feel really good.

That night our ward had a Halloween Party. Whenever we think back about how our lives together began, we think of this party. It was kind of the beginning of our mutual interest, and it is pretty memorable for both of us.

"My roommates and I all dressed up in our Halloween costumes and went to our ward Halloween Party. I was a pirate. . . .The party had food and some games, but it was mostly a dance party. . . . The dance was down in an underground parking garage. All the cars were cleared out. It was awesome!"

I remember realizing that some of the other guys in my ward were a little boring (one of them didn't even dress up at all). I kept hoping to see Danny there, but he was late.

"I wanted to stay because I was hoping Danny would show up. And he did. :) and we stayed and went back to dancing. Sarah made up a line dance, so she and I started doing that and people joined us (Danny did too). Then he and some other guys danced in our group the rest of the time! :) I was happy. I like Danny. I want to be his friend."

One theme of our love story seems to be ups and downs. So, of course after the party I was hoping for an invitation to continue talking with Danny or hang out at his apartment, but he walked home with another girl and hung out with her. Halloween day was pretty disappointing too for me. I had to wait until the next day (Sunday, of course) for our next encounter...and this one is pretty good too...

Our Love Story--Developing A Crush: How Ward Prayer and Love Notes Really Worked

Once I was ready to seriously date and look for my eternal love, I wasted no time. I made a list of my potential dates and focused on these individuals by making any connections with them that I could. All of my attempts ended in failure...except one.

It really all started at ward prayer. Ward prayer is pretty common in singles wards. On Sunday nights all ward members get together and have a prayer, a short thought, announcements, maybe a treat, and (most obviously the main reason for the whole thing) mingling. You can make fun of it, you can think it's lame, but for me it worked.

My first conversation with Danny at ward prayer was exciting and fun. It was October 18, 2009. I remember we talked about Spanish and sign language and I was impressed that he knew three languages. He told me some funny stories, and I liked listening to them. He liked that I thought they were funny. I saw him interact with other people at ward prayer too, and I could see that he was friendly, kind, and well liked by others. All of these things made me more and more interested in getting to know him better.

Combined with ward prayer, my ward participated in a cheesy (but also helpful to me) thing called "love notes." Anybody could write a note to anyone else on a little slip of paper. You then put that paper in the slot for whatever apartment the intended recipient lived in, and then somebody took the notes around and delivered them to each apartment. I wrote a lot to my roommates or other girls in the ward to be friendly or to say "good job on your talk in church today!" or similar things. You could put your name on it, or stay anonymous. It was kind of like getting valentines every single week. Yes, it was cheesy. Yes, I have decided to write a book someday making fun of the whole thing. But, yes, it was also exciting and fun and I guarantee that almost everyone looked forward to seeing who had written them that week.

So, I started writing love notes to guys in my ward to try to make some connections. I had some interesting experiences with some of these other guys: creepy, boring, uninterested, no idea I existed, probably creeped out by me...dating is so awkward! But I only want to tell you about the one that worked out.

The next week, on October 25, I saw and talked to Danny again.

"Danny Davis sat by me at ward prayer, and I was so glad he did. I like Danny. He's so nice and just natural--total opposite of _______. We can talk just fine, because it's no big deal. He wrote me and my roommate love notes tonight. Here is mine:

"He wrote the Waldo thing because I didn't go to a ward service project on Saturday, and he asked where I was." (And made some joke about "where's waldo")

I was soooooo excited to get that note and to have him talk to me again at ward prayer. From that point on, we always talked at and after ward prayer and wrote notes. The only time I ever saw him was on Sundays at church and ward prayer. He was just starting the core accounting classes at BYU, and they were pretty brutal. He was studying all the time, so I rarely saw him (though I tried to keep my eye out for him!) at any other time. Slowly, I forgot about the other guys on my list and started developing a crush on just one.

make way for family

We go to the marriage and family class for Sunday school for a few reasons:

1. It's baby friendly and Preston can crawl around and disrupt a little more in there. 
2. We have friends that go to that class. 
3. When we first moved in a year ago the bishop pointed us in the direction of this class and we never really stopped going.....I think we have had the parenting lessons three times now.
4. It's really very interesting, and I always leave with ideas and motivation to be a better wife and mother.

Today was no different. I came away wanting to make lots of wonderful changes to our family life. Temple attendance, FHE, couple time, supporting the husband, having a spotless house and other topics could be improved. I get excited about making our marriage and family stronger, and then I come home and reality hits.

We have very limited time! and I have so many family things I want to start. ...It's a combination that just doesn't work.

How do we do all this with church callings, cpa study until ten at night, a baby, football season, and other distractions? And how do even busier families do so well? I am stumped at the moment.

Our Love Story~~31 Flavors and Finding My Motivation

As soon as I began going on dates, I started keeping a list of every guy I ever went out with. I once heard somewhere that, just like Baskin Robbins has "31 flavors" of ice cream, and you don't know which is your favorite flavor until you have tried them all, you have to try out a bunch of different guys before you know who you want to marry. I knew I didn't want to date any one person seriously until I was ready to get married, and this "31 Flavors" list was a way to motivate me to say yes to dates even when I maybe wanted to stay home or wasn't all that excited about the guy. Because I was so open to dating many different people I had a lot of fun and interesting dating experiences, and I did learn a lot about what I wanted in a husband. I didn't even make it to 31 names on my list by the time I got married, and I didn't only go on dates to get names on the list (I actually liked some of the boys who asked me, yes, I'm not just a crazy list maker), but I think the idea worked for me to get me out of my comfort zone and learn a whole lot about other people and myself. 

So, I was having a dilemma around the time that I met Danny. My father's blessing at the beginning of the school year had said I would know which of my friends, new or old, to marry. Despite having my 31 Flavors list, I hadn't really dated anyone for about a year. When my high school friends left on missions I was left behind and didn't really know how to get to know new, returned missionary guys. Instead I wrote letters to 16 missionaries--some only one or two letters, others every month. I was kind of stuck in limbo. Here, let my journal explain:

October 18, 2009
Life has been kind of hard lately. . . I have a few good friends, and my roommates are great, but everyone is busy with school and has their own things going on. I often feel lonely, and I don't like that. I know I should try to make more friends in the ward, and I would like to, but I don't know how. I honestly don't. . . . So, lately I have been missing high school and anxiously waiting for my missionary friends to get back. But then! Do I really want them to come back and have me feeling like I got nowhere in those 2 years? I want other friends. I would like to go on dates. I would like to make my own fun. But it's hard. . . .

. . . After ward prayer I ran into Danny from apartment #20 and had a good conversation with him. It was like we were friends. I needed the confidence that conversation gave me. I can meet new people and I can make new friends. . . .

. . . .I have some friends and roommates, and they are great, so why can't I be content with that? And I think the answer is a scary but simple one: I need more than roommates and friends; I want to have relationships that will prepare me for and ultimately lead to marriage. I am lonely in  that way. . . .

I cut a lot out, so it's a little disconnected there, but you get the idea. Thus began my motivation to meet new people and date. It was like the 31 Flavors were suddenly called back into action! I made a list of every guy that had potential and I didn't back down from the awkward conversations, flirting failures, and not-so-promising dates. I also paid a little more attention to how I presented myself, and that helped me get noticed and have confidence. It's really kind of amazing looking back and all the little pieces that led up to me being ready to date Danny and get married. It definitely was a process.

Some Of My Thoughts On Motherhood

Erica Messerly posted about Motherhood on her blog "Messerly Moments" a few days ago. Erica is such an inspiration to me of a great mom and a truly good person. I don't even know her that well in person, but I am uplifted by the things she writes! Here is part of what she wrote:

"A few years ago in my last course at BYU we were asked where we want to be in five years.  My answer was "A professional mom".  I didn't just say a stay-at-home mom because I want more than that. Any professional in the business world gets ready everyday, has goals, meets deadlines and craves to learn what they can do to better the company and just because my office is our apartment it doesn't mean I don't do each and everyone of those elements a business professional would do." -Erica Messerly remesserly.blogpot.com

Her thoughts on motherhood mirror mine, and I had been wanting to write about this topic for a while now as well. I love how she uses the phrase "professional mom." I have been struggling with what to call myself over the past few months. There is nothing wrong with "stay-at-home mom" or "homemaker" but for some reason they seem to me to have become "less than" labels (which is a problem in and of itself, I know)...but I like "professional mother" a lot. I kind of wrote about this idea in "My Goal" post, but Erica put my thoughts into words a lot better than I did!

Then, there was a talk given during L.D.S. General Conference last Saturday afternoon that also contributed to these thoughts of mine. "The Moral Force of Women" by Elder D. Todd Christofferson is the talk to which I am referring. You can click on the link if you want to read or listen to the entire talk. It's good.

The part that really stood out to me was this:

". . .Some view homemaking with outright contempt, arguing it demeans women and that the relentless demands of raising children are a form of exploitation. They ridicule what they call “the mommy track” as a career. This is not fair or right. We do not diminish the value of what women or men achieve in any worthy endeavor or career—we all benefit from those achievements—but we still recognize there is not a higher good than motherhood and fatherhood in marriage. There is no superior career, and no amount of money, authority, or public acclaim can exceed the ultimate rewards of family. Whatever else a woman may accomplish, her moral influence is no more optimally employed than here."

The Moral Force of Women--Elder D. Todd Christofferson, LDS General Conference Oct. 2013

Then, today on Facebook I've seen a few links to this blog post by Matt Walsh: "You're a stay-at-home mom? What do you DO all day?"

These three sources have been swimming in my head. I don't totally agree with everything Matt Walsh writes in his post. I think he was a little too harsh. Being a mom with another career and being a stay-at-home mom are just so different, and each person's circumstances are so different. I don't like all the judging that goes on with these things. 

I felt guilty that I chose to go back to work for two and a half months to finish out the school year last year so that I could continue to be paid through the summer, but my husband and I felt like doing this and then quitting my job was the best thing I could do for our family. It was hard to leave my baby, but it was also nice to have time away and do something on my own too. I felt guilty being away from my child, but I also felt guilty that they would have to find someone to replace me and train again the next year. I cried on my last day of work, and I felt sad that I would just be replaced and probably forgotten and most likely not talk to most of the people I had worked with ever again. 

It was hard to adjust back to being home with a baby all day. It felt like I wasn't getting anything done, but I was constantly on the watch and doing something...although that "something" is hard to define with a baby. It was nice to be home all day and be able to catch up on the missed sleep during the day if needed. It was nice to be able to get to know my neighbors better. It's so nice to feel my purpose shift as I anchor myself in our home and send out help to my husband, child, and others from this center. It has simplified my purpose and my objectives and my life, but it's not easy, but it's awesome, but I do wish I had more time to myself, but I feel guilty for wishing that, but I take the time anyway sometimes and read a book (or write this post!) instead of cleaning the house or making dinner...and then I feel guilty...haha. Let's not even mention what happens when I start to compare myself with others moms! 

I've been asked many times if/when I am going to go back to work. Most people are really good about not judging, but you can usually tell their opinion on the subject by the way they ask. That's fine, for the most part. Of course everyone has their own opinion, but I hate that I change the way I answer based on how they ask. I hate that I have kind of apologized for staying home. I hate that I have said "I'm staying home for now, but who knows in a few years?" when I really do know that I never want to go back to work---I want to be a professional mom! I have had a few people hint that I should go back to a career if I want to be found important in their eyes. And I have had others (including my wonderful former principal/boss) say "good for you for doing what you know is best for your family." I wish the decision and the guilt and the expectations and the judgement wasn't so bad for moms. 

Moms, know that you do a lot. Know that what you do IS hard, but worth it and incredible and divine and needed...so very needed! Moms, you know what's best for you and your family. Others will judge, some with valid and honest advice and others (most) without much thought and little caring. Moms, try not to take offense.  You know who to listen to and who to take advice from. You know you're doing your best. 

Keep at it. I am one of you. And I admire you.

Our Love Story---How We Met

Danny and I can’t agree on the actual first time we met. I remember hearing my roommates talk about him, since they had played ultimate Frisbee with him and his roommates in the summer. I knew he was a good, nice guy because of the things they said, but they didn’t say all that much.

How I remember we first met:

During a BYU football game right at the beginning of the school year, I walked over to his apartment with one of my roommates (either Sarah or Randi) to check on the score, since a whole bunch of people were watching the game. I think he answered the door, or else someone else answered and briefly introduced us to everyone there. I didn't think much of it, except to put a face with the name I'd already heard from my roommates. But Danny was so distracted by the game that he doesn’t remember meeting me (anyone who knows him won't be surprised). I probably only remember because my roommates had told me about him before, and I already knew someone named Danny Davis lived in that apartment. (He lived with one of my roommate's brothers during the summer).

How Danny remembers we first met:

Danny's first memory of me is meeting me while waiting outside an office to be set apart for our new callings in our BYU ward. I remember Danny being really friendly and asking each person to spell his or her name so he could remember it better. I really liked how friendly he was. There were four or five of us waiting, and he tried to get to know each of us, where we were from, and how to spell our names. I really admired him for that. But this is all I wrote in my journal about this experience:

Sunday, September 20, 2009

I know I should write in here. But I have no motivation! Ahhh!

Okay, I have to. I feel very strongly that I need to.

Today I was set apart as a family home evening group leader. In the blessing I was given as I was set apart, I was told that my relationships with my roommates and family and others will be strengthened through this calling. I was also told that through my prayers, scripture study, and writing in my journal I will know how to do my calling and what things I should do.

Brother Harrison, the 1^st counselor in the Bishopric, set me apart, along with a guy named Daniel Davis, who has red hair and who has paid me the most attention of any guy in my ward so far. I think he is nice, but I don’t know if I am interested.

 . . . There has been a lot of boy excitement in my apartment . . . And I only feel a little left out. At least Dan Davis talked with me today.

I don't know why I called him, "Dan Davis." That seems so weird to me now... And I think it's funny that I mentioned his red hair and that I wasn't so sure I was interested. Haha! Not really love at first sight, huh?

How it actually happened?:

It's funny, because both of these meeting stories might not even be the actual first time, because I found this entry in my journal as well:

Saturday, September 12, 2009

I went to a “Nerdfest” ward activity with Libbi and her cousin Sarah. We dressed up like nerds, ate pizza, and took nerdy quizzes. It wasn’t much fun, but I’m glad I went to support my ward and try to be involved. I did meet one new person, Danny from apartment 20. I think I’ve done well at steadily meeting a few new people.

I totally remember feeling lonely and sad that night. I really didn't have that much fun, but I think I remember Danny talking with me and my friends. I didn't even think much about it!

Guess the important thing is that we continued to get to know each other, no matter how we actually did first meet!

When I first met Danny he wore beanies a lot, and I didn't like it. I don't mind now. :)

Hello! Nice to meet you!

*Click the links below to catch up on the other sections of our love story you might have missed!

• How We Met
• An explanation about why I'm writing out our love story

Our Love Story---Before We Met

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

~Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

Before we met, my husband and I had 21 and 23 years of life without each other! I'm not going to tell you everything about our past, but I often do think about how all the little things in our past led us to be the people we were when we met. All the people in my life to that point added to who I was and what I wanted in a husband. If you were one of those people, thank you. Family and friends and teachers and leaders and even just acquaintances. I have learned from you, I have been loved by you, I have become who I am because of your help and influence. 

Danny Davis grew up the second to youngest child in a family of 9 people. I grew up the oldest child in a family of 7. Our parents are all still married to their first spouse. We are friends with all our siblings. We were taught to be kind, to go to church, to follow the example of Christ, and to believe in ourselves as we grew up. Blessed is the only way to describe our childhood. 

Danny had AMAZING, good friends in high school. That group of guys helped each other stay on the right track for missions and temple marriage. They even signed a contract which is gradually coming true (I'm not sure the whole "living on the same street" thing will ever happen, but that's ok). They still get together a few times a year and still support each other. They are a big part of who Danny is and was when I met him. I'm so grateful for these great men.

The contract my husband and his friends signed in high school. What amazing young men!

Danny liked many girls in junior high and high school. He dated some of them. He had a girlfriend who started dating someone else while he was on his mission. Of course, non of these other girls were as pretty, smart, funny, or wonderful as me. So, naturally he chose me instead of them. :) 

One of his many girlfriends.

Me, my sister Becca, and my cousin Mandy. Best of friends!

I was also surrounded by truly amazing friends in high school. These friends helped me to be more outgoing (I was super shy in junior high) and fun. I had many great girl friends who I would talk to one-on-one, I had great cousins and sisters (refer to the silly "model" picture), and I had one best girl friend, who lived on my street, who still makes plans with me today! Megan Fisher has been my friend through all the awkwardness of junior high, the silliness and heartbreak of high school, was a bridesmaid at my wedding, has a baby only a few months older than mine, and married a man that gave her the same last name as the one I now have. We are more like sisters now than ever before. :)

Spanish Fair in 8th grade...glad we grew out of our awkward stage!

My sister's wedding day. Love you, Megan!

I never had a boyfriend in high school. I never kissed a boy until I met Danny. But, while I had several girl friends, I liked hanging out with boys better, and I went on lots and lots of casual dates. I was lucky to be friends with some amazing young men in high school. These boys could have signed the same contract as my husband. They went to church events and firesides with me, they took me to dances, they respected me, a few of them broke my heart, a few had to forgive me, and most importantly they helped me decide what kind of man I wanted to marry someday. I think it's only because I had to send them all off on missions that I was able to meet my husband. 

A few of these boys-- all grown up-- who showed up to my wedding reception. There were so many other important friends, though, that aren't in this picture. I couldn't find a good one from high school.

My husband served a faithful 2 year L.D.S. mission in Guatemala before we met. He learned Spanish, which was important to our meeting, and he grew as a person. There are no words to explain fully how this opportunity changed my husband and prepared him for the rest of his life.

A Christmas feast!

 A few months before I met my husband, my dad gave me a priesthood blessing as I was going to be starting my third and final year of college at Brigham Young University. This blessing was like a compass for me in choosing my husband. I tried harder to date and find a husband because of this blessing. I also felt less worried about it. I had not been asked out on a date for about a year at this point in my life. This blessing made me determined to change that.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Right before I left for Provo, my dad gave us all Father’s blessings. In mine he blessed me to meet new people and know which of my male friends (new or old) I should marry. He blessed me to be able to juggle all that I am doing this year. Everything will be okay.

A few months before my husband met me, his relationship ended with a girlfriend so that he was not dating anyone when he met me. He wasn't happy about it at the time, but I don't know if we could have been married if she hadn't broken things off with him that summer. 

I moved into the apartment complex he was already living in and we both prepared to start a new year at BYU. Little did we know that we'd be dating in a few short months!

My bed in that apartment was the bottom bunk with the pink blanket.

--Our Love Story--

I've wanted to write out how Danny and I met, fell in love, and finally got to where we are now for a while. It's really for me, because I want to make a record of all the details. My plan is to write little parts of it out on this blog, and then later put it all together in a book to keep all the memories. But, I'm choosing to share my story with whoever wants to read for a few reasons: 1) It's fun. 2) Whenever anyone asks about our story it takes way too long to tell, so hardly anyone really knows it. 3) This is a good way to motivate me to actually get it all written out and done.

My husband and I got married almost 2 years after we met, so our story takes a while to tell. Eventually I want to have each of these sections all written out:

• Before We Met
• How We Met
• 31 Flavors and Finding My Motivation
• Developing A Crush: How Ward Prayer and Love Notes Really Worked
• Halloween Dance Party
• The Fireside
• Why the Provo Tabernacle Means So Much to Us
• Our First Date
• Our First Kiss
• Russia
• Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
• How He Won Me Back
• Falling in Love For The Last Time
• The Day I Decided I Wanted to Marry Him
• Waiting For Him to Decide Too
• A Year of Long-Distance
• The Proposal
• Planning a Wedding/Being Engaged
• The Sealing
• The Reception
• Honeymoon Trip

I am excited and nervous to share our own, personal, real love story. If you want to know all about it, check back later.

From when we were dating. I was silly and added blue hearts? Not sure what that was about.

Standing, Sitting, or Lying Down

Relief Society has really been a source of strength and inspiration for me lately. A lesson shared a few months ago by Sister Peters has stuck with me. She was talking about "Standing strong in holy places" or something close to that, and she spent a lot of time helping us think about the differences among "standing, sitting, and lying down" in the gospel.

"Lying down" at church might look like this for me: Skipping every other Sunday with the excuse that I have a baby, coming in late every time and sitting in the foyer with the excuse that I have a baby, not listening, talking through the lessons, rejoicing that I can't fast since I'm breastfeeding, etc. ...I think I've thought of doing every single one of these, if I haven't done them...I've gotta be careful not to lie down at church!

"Sitting" at church might look like this for me: Taking the baby out in the hall multiple times when it's not necessary, listening to the lessons but not participating, giving up on going to Relief Society because baby won't cooperate...and not even trying to listen in the room next door that has speakers broadcasting the lesson, coming faithfully every week but not really getting much out of church, not trying to connect with my fellow ward members and focusing only on my baby and me. Sometimes I do sit at church, but I am trying not to.

"Standing" at church looks like this for me: Preparing ahead of time by going to bed early and bringing baby toys to keep baby busy, staying in Sacrament meeting as long as possible before having to take baby out to be fed---and then coming right back instead of hanging out in the foyer for fun, listening to the talks as much as I can with a baby, turning on the speakers in the mothers' lounge so I can listen in there, greeting fellow ward members and helping them with children as much as I can, trying to attend all the meetings, even with a baby that needs to be fed and needs a nap (so hard! but at least trying is "standing" for me!), raising my hand to give a comment in class, staying the whole time even though sometimes I feel like it's no use since I'm walking a fussy baby around in the halls instead of sitting in class.

Standing, sitting, and lying down might look different for you. I think it's a very personal thing between us and the Lord as to what our very best really is. I could use my child as an excuse (and of course I have), but there are times that the "excuse" is very valid and my mommy duties are the most Christlike and best thing I could be doing---even if it means I miss a lesson at church.

I liked this lesson as a reminder to do my best, whatever my circumstances, but also as a reminder that I can do different things to "stand" at church. I used to feel kind of guilty that the baby wouldn't let me stay the whole time in any of the meetings, but now I feel good that I am at least trying to go to class, that I don't give up and go home, and that I am teaching my child at the youngest age possible that going to church is important.

Baby Apple Crisp?

Most baby food is pretty gross. It's all mush. The vegetables smell DISGUSTING. But! My little one tried "apples and blueberries" baby food today with his oatmeal baby cereal. It intrigued me so much that I dipped my finger in for a taste, and it was actually pretty good. I decided he was pretty lucky to be having his own version of "baby apple crisp," and I made up a song about it! You won't be hearing it on the radio any time soon, but from his smiles I'm pretty sure he's my number one fan. :)

Trying to Be a Better Wife

I was sick yesterday. I am so blessed to have parents who live nearby who took my baby for 3 hours so that I could rest and sleep and get better. I am so grateful for my husband who picked up every phone call I made to him within the first two rings while he was at work and sympathized with how awful I was feeling. He also picked up dinner and the baby when he got home, so I didn't have to worry about it. Then, he found a movie online for us to watch together, and he helped put the baby to bed so that I could relax. 

I am too hard on my husband, and that's something I really  need to work on. Since he was so good to me yesterday (and everyday), I am trying today to think of some things I could do that would make him happy and help him. I am making it my goal today to do these things for him:

• Clean up the house a little
• Take a shower and look pretty when he gets home
• Take care of baby so he can study 
• Make a treasure hunt for him (because he likes those)
• Not complain at all to him today
• Not spend any money today
• Make him a lunch tonight for work tomorrow

I'll let you know how it goes. 

And now! Question: How do busy people with babies have weekly date nights? 

I confess that I get offended when I hear how awesome other people are at date nights. Lame huh? We just haven't figured it out. I just get so out of control that it never works. I know it's because of ME that it doesn't work. I get anxious when I see lists of date night ideas. I start to plan things, and then I remember we have no time or money right now to do elaborate second-honeymoon dates. When we finally do have a date night, I sometimes ruin it by getting upset that it wasn't as wonderful as I had hoped. "Oh man! We only spent time together, we didn't have the most romantic night of our lives! Fail!" I'm embarrassed to even admit that I do that. I hope I'm not the only one...

But really, how do people have these mystical weekly date nights? 

I'm coming to realize that it's not practical for me to expect them. It's not healthy for me to pressure my husband for them. It's not wise for me to put so much emphasis on them when they happen. It's just not a good thing for me to think about.

So. Weekly date nights be gone! Here's to taking any time we can get together and loving whatever we do with it! I'm trying to change my expectations. It's hard. But I'm trying.

I'll also add one more thing to my to-do list today:

• Appreciate whatever time I have with my husband and do what I can to make it meaningful and happy

Traditions

While studying marriage and family studies in my undergraduate classes, I attended a few lectures on family traditions. Before this time, I had never thought about being intentional or picky about which traditions to continue in a family. Growing up, it always seemed like my family just did what we thought was fun year after year, but when I actually stopped to think about it each tradition changed our family--either adding to it (usually) or taking something away--and I bet my parents thought about it more than we (the kids) did.

In my own little family now I have been in a hurry to create meaningful traditions...too much of I hurry, I am realizing. I have only been married for 2 years. Traditions really do take some time to evolve and stick.

Failed tradition example: Our first married summer we tried to start an annual "Guatemala Day" celebration. We decided it would be every year in June. During this day we would do things they do in Guatemala and things that my husband picked up from his L.D.S. mission  there. Observe our first "annual" Guatemala Day as illustrated by the pictures below:

Not smiling, because they don't smile in pictures there usually.

That picture was painted by a Guatemalan man my husband met on his mission.

Reading the Book of Mormon in Spanish.

We were excited to try this Guatemalan restaurant.

picked up some treats at the latin supermarket

Making fried plantains.

You eat them with sugar and sour cream.

It was really fun to learn a little more about the place my husband spent two years serving. We both thought the day was great!

So, the first annual Guatemala Day was a success! So successful that we have not felt the need to recreate it yet. Two Junes have gone by, and Guatemala Day is but a fond and distant memory.

I felt guilty about this at first. I had learned that traditions are so important, but I couldn't even keep one going in my own family! I brought it up a few times with my husband, but neither of us could get very excited about doing another Guatemala Day. It just never happened again.

Then, a week or so ago, we decided to spend our Labor Day up in the mountains roasting hot dogs and making s'mores at our favorite spot up the canyon. I got to thinking about the past times we had been up to this particular spot to do the exact same thing and suddenly realized...hey! We have a tradition! Woohoo! 

This year was the 4th summer in a row that we have gone up this same canyon to the same spot to do the same thing. Just because we want to! It's not planned out every year, it's not hard, it's not painful, and it really does add to our marriage and family. Ladies and gentlemen, WE HAVE A TRADITION!

Our second year up the canyon...this was actually part of our Guatemala Day. haha!

Our 4th year! 

After this experience I got to thinking about some of the other traditions we do have: gone to the state fair 3 years now, birthday presents scattered throughout the day, getting frozen yogurt as a treat, Sunday dinners with extended family, Halloween sugar cookies every year, and on and on. I feel a stronger family identity when I think about these things we choose to continue. And I feel happy and excited about each of these things, because we WANT to continue them...we don't just do them because we feel like we HAVE to. In my college classes I remember learning that family traditions can come and go and evolve and change just as families do. This is healthy. To force a tradition or continue one solely for tradition's sake can be detrimental and unhelpful. We still get to choose what we do, even if something is "tradition." (With little children I expect that some traditions will be continued for their sake, and maybe not because my husband and I love to do them. But that's ok too. As long as there is some enjoyment or benefit to our family the tradition is worth it in my eyes.)

As our family ages and grows I hope we do create and continue many fun traditions. I'm big on having something to look forward to and hope for, and traditions do exactly that. I am so glad we have a few already! I fully expect them to change as we change, and that's ok. Who knows? Maybe Guatemala Day will even have an amazing comeback in the future....just not any time soon. :)

The Most Important Thing

Throughout high school and college I had a question that I liked to ask people once I knew them pretty well. I asked this question partly because I was curious to know how people would respond (everyone responded a little differently), and also because I was trying to figure out what the answer was for me.

The question? "In this life, what is the most important thing to you?"

I got a lot of different answers. Family, friends, happiness, the gospel, the atonement, and one very important conversation in which the person I was asking was completely honest and said "money."

It's an interesting question to me, because all of these things are important. It tells a lot about a person to hear what they would put at the top of their list.

For a long time the thing I thought was most important in life, my own answer to this question, was peace. I was happy when I had it, and confused and sad when I didn't. Peace meant being done with to-do lists, having no enemies, being content to be where I was, feeling okay about myself, and having no regrets. Peace was pretty awesome, and it still is. I do like the feeling of peace.

But.

I don't know.

I think my answer has changed now.

Because, looking back, some of the most important moments of my life were anything but peaceful. Struggling to overcome shyness in junior high so that I could make new friends, letting go of close friends that were not good for me, struggling through homework and tests and studying in college, the confusing beginning of my relationship with my husband, plain old hard work, doing what's right when I really didn't want to, and countless other moments held little peace but led to so much growth.

I still love the feeling of peace after these trials, but I'm beginning to see that the trials themselves are more important. I've always had to get through them to get to the peace.

So, what's my answer now? What's the most important thing? I guess I'm still figuring it out. Maybe it's growing pains, despite how much I really don't like going through them. Maybe it's the hope that gets me through those not-so-peaceful times. Maybe it's family now that I have one of my own. Maybe it's my temple marriage. Maybe it really should be the atonement that makes all of this life possible. Maybe it's an answer that changes over time. Maybe it changes daily! And maybe it's impossible to pick just one thing to be the most important. Maybe.

How would you answer the question?

Trying to Do and Be Good

When life gets busy I forget to do the little things that keep me happy and keep my testimony strong. Each life change takes adjustment, and it always seems like I have to start over to recommit to try to do and be good. Starting college, getting engaged, getting married, starting graduate school, starting a real full-time job, having a baby, moving many many times---these are all changes I've gone through in the past five years. With each of these changes I have tried to keep my focus on the gospel and on the little things (daily scripture study, daily prayer, journal writing, goals to become better, finding answers through prayer and revelation, etc.), but it's ALWAYS hard. It's always an adjustment and life always seems to get in the way.

It's like when you go on vacation and you're so caught up in the change of schedule, place, and excitement of the vacation that you don't exercise or you forget to read your scriptures or you don't do some other daily routine, just because of the change. It's exactly like that, but on a bigger scale.

Anyway, since I'm kind of getting back into a routine of pondering and reading scriptures and the Ensign, I was reading something this morning that stood out to me. It is from the July 2013 Ensign article "Pioneer Faith and Fortitude---Then and Now" by Elder M. Russell Ballard. 

"When we truly believe, we don't ask, 'What do I have to do?' but rather, 'What more can I do?'"

Think about all the situations where switching out that first question for the second would really make a difference! These are some situations I thought of:

• When trying to be a good spouse and strengthen marriage what if I asked "what more can I do?" instead of "what do I have to do?"
• With keeping up friendships: "what more can I do?"
• When doing the nightly or morning prayer and scripture study routine: "What more can I do?" instead of "What do I have to do?"
• When attending church.
• When visiting extended family.
• When making new friends.
• When sharing the gospel.
• Even things like exercising, eating healthy, taking care of personal self esteem, celebrating a friend of family member's birthday, saying thank-you....

It just really stuck out to me. I think I've been a "What do I HAVE to do?" kind of person lately, but I really would like to be more of a "What MORE can I do?" woman. Yeah, I really do like the sound of that second question a lot better.

Shine Instead of Compare!

I've been hard on myself lately, and there is no reason for that! I am a chronic comparer (like a lot of women), and I need to stop.

So what if my house isn't as clean as so-and-so's?
So what if I'm not as tall as, skinny as, blond as, brunette as, well dressed as, etc etc whoever?
So what if I'm not as creative as this person?
So what if I didn't think of something cool before someone else

...the list goes on and on and is pretty automatic...I think it without meaning to.

Not good.

It's funny, because right now thinking back on it, I don't really care about all those things. It's only when I start to compare that I start forgetting my worth. I know I have talents that make me unique and special and I'm good at many things. I'm truly blessed, actually, to have the talents and gifts that I do have.

For the person I am, I have it all! I'm who I'm supposed to be!

Why is it so hard to stop comparing?

My neighbor and friend (shout-out to Brittany!) gave the lesson in Relief Society yesterday (for more info on what Relief Society is, click here), and she gave an object lesson that really stuck with me. She held up a vase filled with beautiful flowers. Each one was different: big, small, vibrant, more subdued, colorful, white, etc. The bouquet was beautiful! She said that the world tells women they need to be a certain way: we all need to be a red rose! The ideal flower! The most romantic and beautiful and perfect flower out there. This is what the world tells us...and many of us are tricked into believing it! We dye our petals red, we try our best to be shaped like a rose, we try to grow thorns just to impress others... We want to be roses! But we are not roses. No matter how hard we try, we are who we are. Trying to be something we are not is depressing. 

And why try?! If we are a daisy, be a daisy! If we are a tulip, be a tulip! Each flower is beautiful in its own way, and all combined together they make a beautiful bouquet! 

Wouldn't the world be a boring place if all the flowers were red roses?

I'm going to remember that today. I am going to just be happy to be me!

Please, whoever you are, be happy to be you too! You're beautiful and special and important and needed and loved and unique and inspiring and talented and I'm honored to belong to the bouquet of womanhood with you!

Opposite of Nostalgia

I moved a box of old things from my parents house into mine. It's been sitting in my living room for too long, and today during baby's nap I decided to try to go through it and put it away.

I don't think there is a word for the opposite of "nostalgia," but that is how I am feeling now.

Instead of longing for the past, I am feeling a little tired of it continuing to show up. Coming across an old photo, letter, journal entry, or suddenly dreaming about an old acquaintance, the past is always interrupting my present,

The past is such a strange thing. It's over, but it's always there too. You can't change IT, but it has existed to change YOU!

Wow, weird to think about it like that....

I am a journal writer, and I have many, many books full of bad handwriting and old memories. I have certain journals that I love to look back on (the beginning of 9th grade--I was just learning who I was! I got over some pretty big challenges and I didn't have many regrets and my testimony was really beginning to form), and then there are others that remind me of hurt and pain and regret or just silly stupid crushes (why did I waste so much paper on a boy I didn't even talk to in 6th grade? It's embarrassing)...I sometimes want to burn those ones. But I don't, because I don't want to lose the past, even though I do???

I figure one day my journals might help somebody else feel a little less silly or something. Someday some 6th grade girl is going to read all my dumb ramblings about that boy and she'll TOTALLY get it and know that she's not crazy for having a huge crush on a boy who doesn't even know she exists. And at least that one reminds me to be gentle with junior high kids...because things that seem so silly to adults are their whole world just like it was for me!

The thing is, my world now seems so far removed from my past. I feel like there was a fracture in my existence that separates the old me from the new one. It was a slow-forming fracture, and I'm not sure exactly when it was created. It's probably even a life-long thing that's still forming--breaking the future me ever away from my past.

All I know is that I am not the same 8-year-old girl who first started journaling. I'm not that boy-crazy 6th grade girl. I'm not the insecure, shy junior high student afraid of answering questions in class. I'm not the silly flirt I was in high school. And I'm not even the same person I was a month ago or a week ago. Ever changing, ever growing me is still figuring out who she is and who she wants to be.

Do you know how that's even possible? A very important Somebody named Jesus Christ made it possible through His Atonement. It exists in the past AND present, and It is the reason I can change, and you can change, and people can become better and fix mistakes and move on. I can put the box away and not think about the bad times because my present IS different and those things only exist in record form because I CHOOSE to not burn the books that remind me how far I have come. The Atonement is the reason I don't have to live in regret, and I get to start over daily and choose how I live in the future. It's pretty awesome and it's pretty deep.

I enjoy remembering fun vacations and friends recorded in my journals, but today I am glad that I do not have to live in any of those past times. I am glad I can put the relics back in their box and store them away in the basement. I am supposed to keep moving on, and so here I go!

Baby Tricks

He rolled over for the first time and I can feel a little tooth in his mouth! What happened? Don't do  this to me. It's such a weird feeling of pride and sadness and anxiety all at the same time.

Almost Home

I have 5 days left of being a working mom! After that we're going to try to let me stay at home. I'm excited. I am also a little sad to leave my school and the people there. I know it will be a little challenging to be with baby all day long again, but I am ready. My mom was always there for me when I was little, and it really did mean a lot to know she would always be home when I got home from school, that I could always call her if I forgot something, and that she was a constant in our home. I want to be like that too.

Last night on our drive home from a family dinner we decided to try to list everything we are thankful for and have been blessed with. It was a long list, and it was nice to do it together. I couldn't complain about anything after that. Even something so simple as owning a working refrigerator and freezer is such a blessing! Or what about electricity that hardly ever goes out? Or even more simple: I have working legs so I can walk without even thinking about what I'm doing.

Lately I really have been noticing all these little (and there are some big ones too) things that we have in abundance. Working and being a mom has been stressful and hard and some days I want to come home and cry. But it's weird, because I can't cry when I realize I'm still happy underneath all the frustration and non-working car and sick baby and mean parents on the phone. I still have it all, really!

Heavenly Father has blessed us to get through all the minor challenges of life that seem to pop up incessantly lately. I am grateful that all of these recent challenges are more annoying and inconvenient than they are harmful or long-lasting. I want to write down a few of these recent things so I don't forget them:

 March or April-trying to get check engine light to go off to get it registered.

May-our anniversary day! Trying to stay positive.

• Our car has been giving us trouble since February. First, it took forever to fix a silly oxygen sensor so that our car would pass inspection so we could register it again. Then, right after it was newly registered and I started going back to work (remember I have to drive 50 minutes to and from work), our car would not accelerate fast enough or high enough. I've spent many times on the road with the pedal to the metal and my emergency flashers on, goint 35 mph up a hill in a 65 mph zone. We spent our anniversary day trying to fix a belt on the car that didn't really get fixed and that wasn't really the problem. We've also replaced the water pump, timing belt, 4 spark plugs, and who knows what else and gone to at least 3 different mechanics. But it's ok. My parents let us borrow cars when we needed to, we have neighbors who offered a car too, we were saved from a drunk mechanic and found a much cheaper and better one as a result, and although it's been a nightmare in a way, I have noticed how aware our Father in Heaven really is of us. We are ok, even though our car is still not fixed. It's frustrating and a little expensive, but not too harmful in any lasting way. We are blessed to have money saved up for times like these. We are truly blessed.
• At the same time, my baby got sick. He had a cold. He then passed it on to us. It wasn't fun, but I felt blessed to find out that my sore throat was not strep and my cough was not pertussis. I was able to keep working, and no lasting harm persists. More frustrating and tiring than anything. We are truly blessed to have our health.
• I also had a little bit of a hard time with my self esteem going back to work. My leave of absence did hurt my relationship with some of the kids at my school. It shouldn't matter, as long as they have somebody they can talk to, but it kind of hurt my feelings to know that kids I had been seeing in my office were now choosing the other counselor. I also got yelled at by parents on the phone (my least favorite part of my job), and I'm pretty sure one of the teachers hated me. All of these things got me down a few times. But I have other friends and other kids needed me and I am ok. I am truly blessed.

The most amazing thing about all of these recent trials is that it wasn't too hard to stay positive! I think I am actually changing! I've been focusing on trying to be positive this year, and it's actually working. My thoughts were quickly changed to how much I did have in these times. I didn't wallow in self pity or sadness. Sure, I got annoyed and frustrated and sad, but I was much more easily able to let it go. I think I'm improving! 

I am truly blessed.

Lately

Lately things have been crazy! Little Mr. Fussypants is finally turning into Mr. Smiley-guy, and that is making life easier. For now. Who knows what next week or next month will bring???? (well, actually, it's gonna bring me going back to work for a month and a half until the school year ends, and that's pretty high stress right there. I can do it, right?)

Ha ha, my husband just said, "Wow, you're typing fast! What is this you're typing?"

I said, "Nothing."

He said, "What???" and didn't believe me. hahahaha.

Anyway, life is pretty good today.

Lately I am glad the weather is warming up. Lately none of my clothes fit. And lately my husband has been putting in a dishwasher, which is very nice. We haven't ever had one as a married couple! I'm excited.

The end.

Simple

I am a simple person.

I won't be a mom who dresses her children in the cutest outfits. It's too complicated for me to figure out how to do that. But I can dress them in clean clothes that don't look awful. yeah, I can do that.

I won't be a mom who makes gourmet meals for every dinner. It's too hard to cook every single day. But I can be aware of how healthy the food is that I make for my family. And I can also buy a Little Ceasars pizza every once in a while too. :)

I won't be a mom who decorates her house well at all. I just can't do it. I do not have that talent. But I can make my home a pleasant and relatively clean place to be.

I won't have a lot of money to buy my children the things they want. But I can give them the love and support they need. I'll help with homework and go to games and plays and recitals. I don't have money, but I do have time.

I probably won't be the funnest mom on the block. But I'll be there for my children and they will know that their mom loves them. And they will have a fun dad to make up the difference.. :)

My Goal

I decided this yesterday.

I have a goal.

Goal: to put my own fun into each day

I tend to wait for fun to find me, and I'm realizing that this needs to change.

I have a brand new job. This job is being a mom. As a mom I am the boss at this new job. I get to create the work schedule (mostly), the work environment, and the daily tasks up to a point. I also am the one who decides how much fun we have. And I want to have lots! Problem is that I'm not a natural at this. I'm so serious. But this is my new goal. And I'm going to try.

I'll let you know how it goes.

The Truth Is Not Always Positive

I want so much to be a bubbly, happy, positive person all the time. But I'm not.

Being a mom is hard. It's not really fun yet. Almost everything about it has been not what I was expecting. I felt worse than expected while pregnant. My labor was induced sooner than expected. My baby had complications. I had complications. It was just a relief to get him out safely. --And then he wasn't as safe as we had hoped and got to spend 10 days in the NICU. And I didn't get to hold him for 11 hours. That was truthfully not a very positive thing, and very hard on me. I waited in my hospital room alone while my husband gave the baby a blessing, and I cried when I heard the person next door talking to their crying baby.

Being able to stay at the hospital with baby was a huge blessing...but also really hard. I had a breakdown a week into it and cried in front of several nurses. I got pep talks from nice nurses, and felt so embarrassed that they all knew how emotional I was. It was hard to be there and see so many others come, stay two days, and get to go home with their little babies. It was a blessing to be able to be there and heal and not have to travel far to visit baby, but oh it was so hard to be in that room for 10 days.

It's hard to wake up and feed him. It's hard when he cries (even though he doesn't do it much!), and it's hard to think that I am giving up a lot of my freedom to be a mom. Did you know I was never someone who liked babysitting? I am not a girl who loved holding babies or seeing them or anything. I'm just not. So maybe it's harder for me. It's hard to see other moms posting on Facebook how much they love being moms. Hopefully I'll get there, but I don't know if I could say I love it yet.

And if I never do, and if it's always hard, and if it never becomes the joy I had hoped it would be, well, I've decided I need to do something about it. Because maybe I'm just the way I am, and maybe I just feel the way I do, but I'm a mom now and forever. And if it never naturally becomes fun, then I'd better find a way to make it so.

Because I REALLY want to love this.

So what are the positives? And what parts do I enjoy?

His smile, even if he doesn't mean to do it, is so cute. I'm excited to have him smile at me for real.
His little hands are so sweet. His eyes, nose, ears are all perfect. I can see myself and my husband in him, and that is pretty special. I love watching my husband play with him. That's something I really do love. I like it when we are all together as a family. My husband helps me laugh at things and that makes it a lot more fun. Baby makes funny faces, and it's fun to watch them with my husband. I love it when he looks up at me like he trusts me. That is something that I do love.

So, hello, this is me still not "loving" being a mom yet. Some days are truthfully very hard still. But some moments are sweeter than expected too. And if I focus on those, hopefully I'll find myself falling in love with it in no time.