Monday, November 25, 2013

Our Love Story--Developing A Crush: How Ward Prayer and Love Notes Really Worked

Once I was ready to seriously date and look for my eternal love, I wasted no time. I made a list of my potential dates and focused on these individuals by making any connections with them that I could. All of my attempts ended in failure...except one.

It really all started at ward prayer. Ward prayer is pretty common in singles wards. On Sunday nights all ward members get together and have a prayer, a short thought, announcements, maybe a treat, and (most obviously the main reason for the whole thing) mingling. You can make fun of it, you can think it's lame, but for me it worked.

My first conversation with Danny at ward prayer was exciting and fun. It was October 18, 2009. I remember we talked about Spanish and sign language and I was impressed that he knew three languages. He told me some funny stories, and I liked listening to them. He liked that I thought they were funny. I saw him interact with other people at ward prayer too, and I could see that he was friendly, kind, and well liked by others. All of these things made me more and more interested in getting to know him better.

Combined with ward prayer, my ward participated in a cheesy (but also helpful to me) thing called "love notes." Anybody could write a note to anyone else on a little slip of paper. You then put that paper in the slot for whatever apartment the intended recipient lived in, and then somebody took the notes around and delivered them to each apartment. I wrote a lot to my roommates or other girls in the ward to be friendly or to say "good job on your talk in church today!" or similar things. You could put your name on it, or stay anonymous. It was kind of like getting valentines every single week. Yes, it was cheesy. Yes, I have decided to write a book someday making fun of the whole thing. But, yes, it was also exciting and fun and I guarantee that almost everyone looked forward to seeing who had written them that week.

So, I started writing love notes to guys in my ward to try to make some connections. I had some interesting experiences with some of these other guys: creepy, boring, uninterested, no idea I existed, probably creeped out by me...dating is so awkward! But I only want to tell you about the one that worked out.

The next week, on October 25, I saw and talked to Danny again.

"Danny Davis sat by me at ward prayer, and I was so glad he did. I like Danny. He's so nice and just natural--total opposite of _______. We can talk just fine, because it's no big deal. He wrote me and my roommate love notes tonight. Here is mine:


"He wrote the Waldo thing because I didn't go to a ward service project on Saturday, and he asked where I was." (And made some joke about "where's waldo")

I was soooooo excited to get that note and to have him talk to me again at ward prayer. From that point on, we always talked at and after ward prayer and wrote notes. The only time I ever saw him was on Sundays at church and ward prayer. He was just starting the core accounting classes at BYU, and they were pretty brutal. He was studying all the time, so I rarely saw him (though I tried to keep my eye out for him!) at any other time. Slowly, I forgot about the other guys on my list and started developing a crush on just one.

Sunday, November 24, 2013

make way for family

We go to the marriage and family class for Sunday school for a few reasons:

  1. It's baby friendly and Preston can crawl around and disrupt a little more in there. 
  2. We have friends that go to that class. 
  3. When we first moved in a year ago the bishop pointed us in the direction of this class and we never really stopped going.....I think we have had the parenting lessons three times now.
  4. It's really very interesting, and I always leave with ideas and motivation to be a better wife and mother.

Today was no different. I came away wanting to make lots of wonderful changes to our family life. Temple attendance, FHE, couple time, supporting the husband, having a spotless house and other topics could be improved. I get excited about making our marriage and family stronger, and then I come home and reality hits.

We have very limited time! and I have so many family things I want to start. ...It's a combination that just doesn't work.

How do we do all this with church callings, cpa study until ten at night, a baby, football season, and other distractions? And how do even busier families do so well? I am stumped at the moment.

Saturday, November 2, 2013

Our Love Story~~31 Flavors and Finding My Motivation

As soon as I began going on dates, I started keeping a list of every guy I ever went out with. I once heard somewhere that, just like Baskin Robbins has "31 flavors" of ice cream, and you don't know which is your favorite flavor until you have tried them all, you have to try out a bunch of different guys before you know who you want to marry. I knew I didn't want to date any one person seriously until I was ready to get married, and this "31 Flavors" list was a way to motivate me to say yes to dates even when I maybe wanted to stay home or wasn't all that excited about the guy. Because I was so open to dating many different people I had a lot of fun and interesting dating experiences, and I did learn a lot about what I wanted in a husband. I didn't even make it to 31 names on my list by the time I got married, and I didn't only go on dates to get names on the list (I actually liked some of the boys who asked me, yes, I'm not just a crazy list maker), but I think the idea worked for me to get me out of my comfort zone and learn a whole lot about other people and myself. 

So, I was having a dilemma around the time that I met Danny. My father's blessing at the beginning of the school year had said I would know which of my friends, new or old, to marry. Despite having my 31 Flavors list, I hadn't really dated anyone for about a year. When my high school friends left on missions I was left behind and didn't really know how to get to know new, returned missionary guys. Instead I wrote letters to 16 missionaries--some only one or two letters, others every month. I was kind of stuck in limbo. Here, let my journal explain:

October 18, 2009
Life has been kind of hard lately. . . I have a few good friends, and my roommates are great, but everyone is busy with school and has their own things going on. I often feel lonely, and I don't like that. I know I should try to make more friends in the ward, and I would like to, but I don't know how. I honestly don't. . . . So, lately I have been missing high school and anxiously waiting for my missionary friends to get back. But then! Do I really want them to come back and have me feeling like I got nowhere in those 2 years? I want other friends. I would like to go on dates. I would like to make my own fun. But it's hard. . . .

. . . After ward prayer I ran into Danny from apartment #20 and had a good conversation with him. It was like we were friends. I needed the confidence that conversation gave me. I can meet new people and I can make new friends. . . .

. . . .I have some friends and roommates, and they are great, so why can't I be content with that? And I think the answer is a scary but simple one: I need more than roommates and friends; I want to have relationships that will prepare me for and ultimately lead to marriage. I am lonely in  that way. . . .

I cut a lot out, so it's a little disconnected there, but you get the idea. Thus began my motivation to meet new people and date. It was like the 31 Flavors were suddenly called back into action! I made a list of every guy that had potential and I didn't back down from the awkward conversations, flirting failures, and not-so-promising dates. I also paid a little more attention to how I presented myself, and that helped me get noticed and have confidence. It's really kind of amazing looking back and all the little pieces that led up to me being ready to date Danny and get married. It definitely was a process.