Our Love Story---Before We Met

I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

Every long lost dream led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart they were like Northern stars
Pointing me on my way into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

~Bless the Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

Before we met, my husband and I had 21 and 23 years of life without each other! I'm not going to tell you everything about our past, but I often do think about how all the little things in our past led us to be the people we were when we met. All the people in my life to that point added to who I was and what I wanted in a husband. If you were one of those people, thank you. Family and friends and teachers and leaders and even just acquaintances. I have learned from you, I have been loved by you, I have become who I am because of your help and influence. 

Danny Davis grew up the second to youngest child in a family of 9 people. I grew up the oldest child in a family of 7. Our parents are all still married to their first spouse. We are friends with all our siblings. We were taught to be kind, to go to church, to follow the example of Christ, and to believe in ourselves as we grew up. Blessed is the only way to describe our childhood. 

Danny had AMAZING, good friends in high school. That group of guys helped each other stay on the right track for missions and temple marriage. They even signed a contract which is gradually coming true (I'm not sure the whole "living on the same street" thing will ever happen, but that's ok). They still get together a few times a year and still support each other. They are a big part of who Danny is and was when I met him. I'm so grateful for these great men.

The contract my husband and his friends signed in high school. What amazing young men!

Danny liked many girls in junior high and high school. He dated some of them. He had a girlfriend who started dating someone else while he was on his mission. Of course, non of these other girls were as pretty, smart, funny, or wonderful as me. So, naturally he chose me instead of them. :) 

One of his many girlfriends.

Me, my sister Becca, and my cousin Mandy. Best of friends!

I was also surrounded by truly amazing friends in high school. These friends helped me to be more outgoing (I was super shy in junior high) and fun. I had many great girl friends who I would talk to one-on-one, I had great cousins and sisters (refer to the silly "model" picture), and I had one best girl friend, who lived on my street, who still makes plans with me today! Megan Fisher has been my friend through all the awkwardness of junior high, the silliness and heartbreak of high school, was a bridesmaid at my wedding, has a baby only a few months older than mine, and married a man that gave her the same last name as the one I now have. We are more like sisters now than ever before. :)

Spanish Fair in 8th grade...glad we grew out of our awkward stage!

My sister's wedding day. Love you, Megan!

I never had a boyfriend in high school. I never kissed a boy until I met Danny. But, while I had several girl friends, I liked hanging out with boys better, and I went on lots and lots of casual dates. I was lucky to be friends with some amazing young men in high school. These boys could have signed the same contract as my husband. They went to church events and firesides with me, they took me to dances, they respected me, a few of them broke my heart, a few had to forgive me, and most importantly they helped me decide what kind of man I wanted to marry someday. I think it's only because I had to send them all off on missions that I was able to meet my husband. 

A few of these boys-- all grown up-- who showed up to my wedding reception. There were so many other important friends, though, that aren't in this picture. I couldn't find a good one from high school.

My husband served a faithful 2 year L.D.S. mission in Guatemala before we met. He learned Spanish, which was important to our meeting, and he grew as a person. There are no words to explain fully how this opportunity changed my husband and prepared him for the rest of his life.

A Christmas feast!

 A few months before I met my husband, my dad gave me a priesthood blessing as I was going to be starting my third and final year of college at Brigham Young University. This blessing was like a compass for me in choosing my husband. I tried harder to date and find a husband because of this blessing. I also felt less worried about it. I had not been asked out on a date for about a year at this point in my life. This blessing made me determined to change that.

Monday, August 24, 2009

Right before I left for Provo, my dad gave us all Father’s blessings. In mine he blessed me to meet new people and know which of my male friends (new or old) I should marry. He blessed me to be able to juggle all that I am doing this year. Everything will be okay.

A few months before my husband met me, his relationship ended with a girlfriend so that he was not dating anyone when he met me. He wasn't happy about it at the time, but I don't know if we could have been married if she hadn't broken things off with him that summer. 

I moved into the apartment complex he was already living in and we both prepared to start a new year at BYU. Little did we know that we'd be dating in a few short months!

My bed in that apartment was the bottom bunk with the pink blanket.

--Our Love Story--

I've wanted to write out how Danny and I met, fell in love, and finally got to where we are now for a while. It's really for me, because I want to make a record of all the details. My plan is to write little parts of it out on this blog, and then later put it all together in a book to keep all the memories. But, I'm choosing to share my story with whoever wants to read for a few reasons: 1) It's fun. 2) Whenever anyone asks about our story it takes way too long to tell, so hardly anyone really knows it. 3) This is a good way to motivate me to actually get it all written out and done.

My husband and I got married almost 2 years after we met, so our story takes a while to tell. Eventually I want to have each of these sections all written out:

• Before We Met
• How We Met
• 31 Flavors and Finding My Motivation
• Developing A Crush: How Ward Prayer and Love Notes Really Worked
• Halloween Dance Party
• The Fireside
• Why the Provo Tabernacle Means So Much to Us
• Our First Date
• Our First Kiss
• Russia
• Breaking Up Is Hard To Do
• How He Won Me Back
• Falling in Love For The Last Time
• The Day I Decided I Wanted to Marry Him
• Waiting For Him to Decide Too
• A Year of Long-Distance
• The Proposal
• Planning a Wedding/Being Engaged
• The Sealing
• The Reception
• Honeymoon Trip

I am excited and nervous to share our own, personal, real love story. If you want to know all about it, check back later.

From when we were dating. I was silly and added blue hearts? Not sure what that was about.

Standing, Sitting, or Lying Down

Relief Society has really been a source of strength and inspiration for me lately. A lesson shared a few months ago by Sister Peters has stuck with me. She was talking about "Standing strong in holy places" or something close to that, and she spent a lot of time helping us think about the differences among "standing, sitting, and lying down" in the gospel.

"Lying down" at church might look like this for me: Skipping every other Sunday with the excuse that I have a baby, coming in late every time and sitting in the foyer with the excuse that I have a baby, not listening, talking through the lessons, rejoicing that I can't fast since I'm breastfeeding, etc. ...I think I've thought of doing every single one of these, if I haven't done them...I've gotta be careful not to lie down at church!

"Sitting" at church might look like this for me: Taking the baby out in the hall multiple times when it's not necessary, listening to the lessons but not participating, giving up on going to Relief Society because baby won't cooperate...and not even trying to listen in the room next door that has speakers broadcasting the lesson, coming faithfully every week but not really getting much out of church, not trying to connect with my fellow ward members and focusing only on my baby and me. Sometimes I do sit at church, but I am trying not to.

"Standing" at church looks like this for me: Preparing ahead of time by going to bed early and bringing baby toys to keep baby busy, staying in Sacrament meeting as long as possible before having to take baby out to be fed---and then coming right back instead of hanging out in the foyer for fun, listening to the talks as much as I can with a baby, turning on the speakers in the mothers' lounge so I can listen in there, greeting fellow ward members and helping them with children as much as I can, trying to attend all the meetings, even with a baby that needs to be fed and needs a nap (so hard! but at least trying is "standing" for me!), raising my hand to give a comment in class, staying the whole time even though sometimes I feel like it's no use since I'm walking a fussy baby around in the halls instead of sitting in class.

Standing, sitting, and lying down might look different for you. I think it's a very personal thing between us and the Lord as to what our very best really is. I could use my child as an excuse (and of course I have), but there are times that the "excuse" is very valid and my mommy duties are the most Christlike and best thing I could be doing---even if it means I miss a lesson at church.

I liked this lesson as a reminder to do my best, whatever my circumstances, but also as a reminder that I can do different things to "stand" at church. I used to feel kind of guilty that the baby wouldn't let me stay the whole time in any of the meetings, but now I feel good that I am at least trying to go to class, that I don't give up and go home, and that I am teaching my child at the youngest age possible that going to church is important.

Baby Apple Crisp?

Most baby food is pretty gross. It's all mush. The vegetables smell DISGUSTING. But! My little one tried "apples and blueberries" baby food today with his oatmeal baby cereal. It intrigued me so much that I dipped my finger in for a taste, and it was actually pretty good. I decided he was pretty lucky to be having his own version of "baby apple crisp," and I made up a song about it! You won't be hearing it on the radio any time soon, but from his smiles I'm pretty sure he's my number one fan. :)

Trying to Be a Better Wife

I was sick yesterday. I am so blessed to have parents who live nearby who took my baby for 3 hours so that I could rest and sleep and get better. I am so grateful for my husband who picked up every phone call I made to him within the first two rings while he was at work and sympathized with how awful I was feeling. He also picked up dinner and the baby when he got home, so I didn't have to worry about it. Then, he found a movie online for us to watch together, and he helped put the baby to bed so that I could relax. 

I am too hard on my husband, and that's something I really  need to work on. Since he was so good to me yesterday (and everyday), I am trying today to think of some things I could do that would make him happy and help him. I am making it my goal today to do these things for him:

• Clean up the house a little
• Take a shower and look pretty when he gets home
• Take care of baby so he can study 
• Make a treasure hunt for him (because he likes those)
• Not complain at all to him today
• Not spend any money today
• Make him a lunch tonight for work tomorrow

I'll let you know how it goes. 

And now! Question: How do busy people with babies have weekly date nights? 

I confess that I get offended when I hear how awesome other people are at date nights. Lame huh? We just haven't figured it out. I just get so out of control that it never works. I know it's because of ME that it doesn't work. I get anxious when I see lists of date night ideas. I start to plan things, and then I remember we have no time or money right now to do elaborate second-honeymoon dates. When we finally do have a date night, I sometimes ruin it by getting upset that it wasn't as wonderful as I had hoped. "Oh man! We only spent time together, we didn't have the most romantic night of our lives! Fail!" I'm embarrassed to even admit that I do that. I hope I'm not the only one...

But really, how do people have these mystical weekly date nights? 

I'm coming to realize that it's not practical for me to expect them. It's not healthy for me to pressure my husband for them. It's not wise for me to put so much emphasis on them when they happen. It's just not a good thing for me to think about.

So. Weekly date nights be gone! Here's to taking any time we can get together and loving whatever we do with it! I'm trying to change my expectations. It's hard. But I'm trying.

I'll also add one more thing to my to-do list today:

• Appreciate whatever time I have with my husband and do what I can to make it meaningful and happy

Traditions

While studying marriage and family studies in my undergraduate classes, I attended a few lectures on family traditions. Before this time, I had never thought about being intentional or picky about which traditions to continue in a family. Growing up, it always seemed like my family just did what we thought was fun year after year, but when I actually stopped to think about it each tradition changed our family--either adding to it (usually) or taking something away--and I bet my parents thought about it more than we (the kids) did.

In my own little family now I have been in a hurry to create meaningful traditions...too much of I hurry, I am realizing. I have only been married for 2 years. Traditions really do take some time to evolve and stick.

Failed tradition example: Our first married summer we tried to start an annual "Guatemala Day" celebration. We decided it would be every year in June. During this day we would do things they do in Guatemala and things that my husband picked up from his L.D.S. mission  there. Observe our first "annual" Guatemala Day as illustrated by the pictures below:

Not smiling, because they don't smile in pictures there usually.

That picture was painted by a Guatemalan man my husband met on his mission.

Reading the Book of Mormon in Spanish.

We were excited to try this Guatemalan restaurant.

picked up some treats at the latin supermarket

Making fried plantains.

You eat them with sugar and sour cream.

It was really fun to learn a little more about the place my husband spent two years serving. We both thought the day was great!

So, the first annual Guatemala Day was a success! So successful that we have not felt the need to recreate it yet. Two Junes have gone by, and Guatemala Day is but a fond and distant memory.

I felt guilty about this at first. I had learned that traditions are so important, but I couldn't even keep one going in my own family! I brought it up a few times with my husband, but neither of us could get very excited about doing another Guatemala Day. It just never happened again.

Then, a week or so ago, we decided to spend our Labor Day up in the mountains roasting hot dogs and making s'mores at our favorite spot up the canyon. I got to thinking about the past times we had been up to this particular spot to do the exact same thing and suddenly realized...hey! We have a tradition! Woohoo! 

This year was the 4th summer in a row that we have gone up this same canyon to the same spot to do the same thing. Just because we want to! It's not planned out every year, it's not hard, it's not painful, and it really does add to our marriage and family. Ladies and gentlemen, WE HAVE A TRADITION!

Our second year up the canyon...this was actually part of our Guatemala Day. haha!

Our 4th year! 

After this experience I got to thinking about some of the other traditions we do have: gone to the state fair 3 years now, birthday presents scattered throughout the day, getting frozen yogurt as a treat, Sunday dinners with extended family, Halloween sugar cookies every year, and on and on. I feel a stronger family identity when I think about these things we choose to continue. And I feel happy and excited about each of these things, because we WANT to continue them...we don't just do them because we feel like we HAVE to. In my college classes I remember learning that family traditions can come and go and evolve and change just as families do. This is healthy. To force a tradition or continue one solely for tradition's sake can be detrimental and unhelpful. We still get to choose what we do, even if something is "tradition." (With little children I expect that some traditions will be continued for their sake, and maybe not because my husband and I love to do them. But that's ok too. As long as there is some enjoyment or benefit to our family the tradition is worth it in my eyes.)

As our family ages and grows I hope we do create and continue many fun traditions. I'm big on having something to look forward to and hope for, and traditions do exactly that. I am so glad we have a few already! I fully expect them to change as we change, and that's ok. Who knows? Maybe Guatemala Day will even have an amazing comeback in the future....just not any time soon. :)