Practicing Positives

I was planning to work until the 15th of February at first. Then I got so miserable at work, that I changed my mind to try working until the 8th. Then, yesterday, I asked my doctor about work and he gave me a note that advised me to stop working immediately. I have high blood pressure, I guess, and now I get to do a weekly stress test at the hospital to make sure baby is ok.

I feel like I'm letting my work down by stopping so soon. I still have a month before my due date, but it really was torture to drive an hour there and back and try to work while feeling light headed and dizzy all day. Have you ever tried to talk to a suicidal teenage girl about how there is hope in her life while you feel like you're going to fall over? It's not fun. I was afraid I would eventually pass out in front of one of my students, and that would have been too exciting for everybody.

This recent development and, well, everything really in my life right now has kinda got me down. I want to focus on the positive in this blog, but my head is so full of negative. Winter weather gets me down. Not feeling well gets me down too. Worrying about my baby stresses me out. All these things seem pretty normal to me, but it doesn't help in the staying happy department.

So, today the sun is actually shining. I am not at work. And I'm feeling a little less dizzy than usual at the moment. Let's see how positive I can be:

1. I'm so happy my husband only works half days on Friday. I miss him when he's gone, but he's right here on the couch next to me right now!
2. My head is not hurting!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes!
3. Two baby showers tomorrow=I'm so lucky to have so much support from family and friends in my life.
4. I had a dream last night that I was holding and feeding my baby, and I am actually excited for both things....despite all the fears involved there too.
5. My stress level is way WAY down today. I can physically feel it. Although I feel guilty about stopping work early, it is really the best thing for me and my baby right now. I have nothing pressing that needs to be done, and I'm able to relax today. It feels really nice.
6. Birthing classes are over!!!!!!!!!! Husband and I decided they were probably worth the $55 they cost, but I am so glad I don't have to sit through another 2.5 hour class full of scary medical talk and stuff that just makes me worry more.
7. We got our carseat yesterday, so we are prepared to bring baby home whenever he decides to come!
8. My body seems to be working right at least in some things; yesterday at my doctor appointment I got my cervix checked. I'm not dilated at all, but it is midway effaced and getting ready for the job of labor. I was happy to hear that SOMETHING is happening, even if I do have a few more weeks.

I still have some work to do in practicing being positive, but there---that's a pretty good start, right?